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ABC gems for couples

ABC gems for conflict management: 
1. ACCEPT the differences in the other person as necessary and helpful for balance….resist the need to judge one as better than the other,

2.BE quick to admit  when you are hurtful, wrong, including the places where each of you fell short,

3. CHALLENGE ideas passionately (at times), but do so by laying down a thick foundational layer of each of pursuing a better US, an improved relationship….without residual feelings of collateral damage,

4. COMMUNICATE constantly that your partner is competent and deserves to be respected/understood-ESPECIALLY when you disagree, 

5. ASK often, “What do you need from me to feel deeply connected to me”? 

More gems:

1. ATTEND to the rare strengths in each person which benefits the relationship and realize that these same strengths can be seen as weaknesses. 

2. CONFESS for self (I did, I said, I might/could have done this differently) twice as much as you confess for your partner (you did, you said, you failed to do). See your part in the conflict and consider that that part is a stumbling block for your partner,

3. ATTACK the regular patterns/cycles in your communication where each of you often return to AND stay in…..CHOSE to SEE the pattern/cycle as the problem, and not the person. 

4. BEAR your soul often, BE vulnerable, BE transparent and BE open as it is the oil that lubricates the tensions that will surface in healthy relationships.